is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
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I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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