It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
