Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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