My brain says no but my pants say off.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
