So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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