Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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