yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
