my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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