My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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