Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
