if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
