So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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