I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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