I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
