Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
