It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
