We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
