what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
