I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
