What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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