i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
