I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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