and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
