When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
