Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
