my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
