First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
