I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
