...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
