Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
