u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
