Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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