i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
