Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
