Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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