alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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