Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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