You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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