What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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