my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
