and you said cock pushups were impossible
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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