What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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