i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize