I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
