Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
