i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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