you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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