Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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