Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Randomize
