Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
