I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
