There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
