Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
