Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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