C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
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Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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