Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I need moral support for this bender
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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