TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had to cum in my sink.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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