why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
