how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
