i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
