Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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