Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
