Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize